There are so many people in my life who have shown me what true compassion and grace look like. Yesterday my family and I received so many communications of love and support and we are forever grateful.
I have one friend from college who showed me I could laugh again in the months after Jordan died. We had been out of touch over 15 years, even though mutual friends kept us updated on each other’s lives. I saved every email she sent and reread them finding wisdom, comfort and laughter in her words. I’ve already told her that she will have her own chapter in the book I’m writing.
The emails I received from her started 2 weeks after Jordan died. I would hear from her at least weekly. She offered comfort, “remember when” stories from our college days and so much understanding. Some days I would look out the window after receiving an email from her wondering if she’d been watching me. How else could she know exactly the comforting words I needed to hear? Laughter and tears accompanied my reading of most of her emails. It got to the point that as I sat with my laptop and would randomly start to laugh aloud or at times cry, Mark would simply say, “Bev?” and I’d read to him what she’d written and he’d share in my emotion.
Today I wanted you all to get a glimpse of my friend Bev. Here are condensed versions of emails she sent to me after learning of Jordan’s death and the one she sent on the 2nd anniversary.
What Bev Said
October 27, 2008 4:02:52 PM CDT
My Dearest Jackie,
Beautiful, kind, Jackie….Girl with a smile and a kind word for everyone. I miss you dear friend and I am so very very sorry. All words seem inadequate. Because they are. I won’t speak of religion, or espouse lay philosophy in an attempt to comfort or bring sense to your loss. I know, there is not much that anyone can say or do…there is only time. We have been out of touch for far too long. But I want you to know, that you are loved. I and so many of our classmates are thinking of you, hurting for you, sending out prayers and love, and lifting you up. We are all with you right now. I want you to know that you are Sunflower- with a life force and a spirit full of light- outshining all the other flowers in the garden. I see pictures of Jordan , and I know who gave him that smile and that same bright, blinding life force. Consider this communique, my arms and heart, extended across these many years and miles, to you. Please know that I will do whatever I can to help you – [ ]The only thing that has changed with me is that my figure is no longer an hourglass, it is now a beer glass.
I was laid off in June and (I have been throwing confetti ever since). …..and pretending I have a husband, a house and an income. I get my nails done, drink coffee at the local coffee shop, and am in the middle of reading Anna Karenina. Sure, I am about to be evicted but.. ..could someone pass the half and half? Anyway, I say all of this to say, I have some free time on my hands. And I want to see you. Let me help you in any way that I can. [ ]I am calling you. Feel no obligation to talk if you are not up to it, or are busy. We go back too far to be worried about being polite.
I will be calling.
(If my phone ain’t disconnected)
Please be patient with yourself …. know that you are loved.
Beverly
October 12, 2010 7:38:34 PM CDT
Jackie,
Alwaysmomof4's Blog 
Comments on: "With Friends Like These" (5)
There are some things that should not be read while working. This was just such a post. I am so happy you have Beverly in your life. She is so wise and so loving. What wonderful communications. Thank you so much for sharing these.
jackie,
I am always torn between reading and not! Between expressing and ignoring! Between purposeful ignorance and deep sorrow! But I always come to the same place – reading and feeling are mandatory!
We were in the same school but knew each other passingly! Never enemies but never “true” friends! This situation and reading your words and others’ words makes me know you! I could never be as eloquent as Bev but do understand this – I love you and you are one of the strongest women I know (and I know a few)!
Love John!
The tears are flowing for your Jordan as well as my Lizzy….Bad week for me. You know how that goes. My oldest went to homecoming and I am thinking ” Lizzy should be with her!, She would be a freshman in high school now!” She was 10 when she died in 2007, just so hard to imagine and the dance was a major trigger for me, one of those “milestones” I loved the letters, thank you for posting the them, I do wish I received letters like that, the first one did make me laugh a bit. Hope you are well Jackie.
Each time I visit your blog, your writing pulls me in and I can’t stop reading. Your post about your aunts was beautiful. I had to hold a tissue the entire time I read (and wept). Thank you for writing and letting us be witnesses to your journey.
Anniversaries are excruciating. The first three years were the worst, they began to be less overwhelming after that (very cold comfort), but it reminds me of Bev’s advice to keep going. She sounds amazing (“if my phone ain’t disconnected” made me laugh).
I understand why you spoke so highly of Bev this past weekend. Her words made me cry, and made me laugh, but most importantly brought me comfort. What a great friend.